Sisters

It’s funny how the questions one gets asked when baby 1 comes home differ so much from the ones with baby 2.

With baby 1, we got asked things like “How’s she sleeping?” and “How are you sleeping?” “How’s she eating?” “How are you adjusting?”

I like the questions for baby 2 much less, frankly. For example, today, Elliott and I were asked “So, are you going to keep trying for a boy?”

I indignantly posted this comment to my facebook status, only to receive immediate and overwhelming replies to the effect that this kind of comment is in good company, and certainly not the most stupid or insensitive out there. Apparently, once you decide to have more than one child, you become instantly game for speculation by any passing stranger. “Are you going to have more?” “Haven’t you already had enough?” “Aren’t you getting too old to have kids?” “Aren’t you sad you don’t have a boy/girl?” Etc., etc., etc.

Funny how people can’t just wish you well and have done with it.

Anyhow, I digress.

One question I have gotten a LOT though, is “How is your first child doing?”

That question is a tricky one to me. On the one hand, I think it is very sweet that people who know Eleanor are wondering how she’s doing and looking out for her. Going from being the only child to being the big sister is a strange transition, especially for a 2-year-old to undertake.

On the other hand, while I don’t begrudge the interest in Eleanor’s well-being, it does highlight that for first child, everything revolves around that first child. There are all those pictures of the first child, those new clothes and toys and stuff for the first child.

For the second child, we whipped out the old baby stuff and cleaned it off. For the second child, there are some solo pictures, but just as many with big sister in them. And for the second child, there really is no time when it’s “just them.” Even the questions about her well-being inevitably come around to questions about her sister, too. The first child, it would seem, made us into parents. The second child, it feels, has turned us into this more complicated state of affairs that I want to call ‘family.’

So when people ask me about Eleanor, I am glad of it. I just also sort of wish that the focus didn’t immediately stray from Clara – since it is her time to be new to the world. I guess people assume that when you’ve gotten to baby #2, you’ve got the basics of sleep and such figured out and they move on to other queries. Or maybe they’re just assuming you aren’t getting any sleep at all and don’t bother to ask.

So how are the sisters taking to each other? Well, Clara is too sleepy to spend a lot of time thinking about Eleanor, but when she does stay awake for a few minutes together, Clara seems to enjoy smiling at Eleanor and watching big sis’s high energy twirling and talking.

As for Eleanor, she really wants to play with, pat, and kiss Clara, though she does seem to treat Clara rather like a fancy toy. It must be hard to understand that Clara is, in fact, a little person – one who will be increasingly autonomous and yes, disruptive as the days go by.

In the past few day’s transition, we have seen some moments of frustration and attitude from Eleanor, who is usually very well-behaved, but I can’t say I’m surprised. Nor can I say that her moments of acting out are really all that bad. Said bad behavior is not tolerated for an instant, of course, but if I’m honest about it, it’s really rather mild.

But rather than give you my impression of the transition from baby-of-the-family to big-sister, I thought I would finish this blog post with Eleanor’s own words about her baby sister, and let her answer the question of “How is Eleanor doing?”

I’d ask Clara for her opinion, too, but she’s still napping.

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Me: Eleanor, how are you doing?

Eleanor: Momma, I wanna pat the baby and kiss the baby. (pause) Baby, you have crazy hair, baby. It’s so pretty.

Me: Eleanor, how do you like having a sister?

Eleanor: Mommy, I’d like to take her shirt off. (mom asks again) Momma, I want to put her hat on. (mom asks again) Yes!

Me: What does Clara do all day?

Eleanor: She goes, “ehhhh, da-da-da.” (stops to kiss Clara) She has eyes! It’s one, two!

Me: Are you helping mom and dad?

Eleanor: Yes. Pickle all helping with baby. Shh, sh, sh! It’s okay baby. She’s big!

Me: Is it fun having a baby at home, or is it frustrating?

Eleanor: It’s frustrating. It’s frust-er-ating. I want to sit right here. (perches on edge of couch)

Me: How are we going to help Clara get big and strong? What will you teach her?

Eleanor: I’m getting a kleenex for her.

Me: Anything else you want to say?"

Eleanor: Mommy, we need a draw pen. (wanders off find the art supplies)